How is your emotional intelligence in difficult situations

This weeks blog is about emotional intelligence and arises from some personal learning, difficult learning! And I am going to describe it as work in progress.

You see emotional intelligence is tested more in challenging and difficult situations that when we are merely cruising along, we may be under the impression that we have got this emotional intelligence stuff all sorted and then, the situation just does not pan out as we had hoped.

Self-reflection is much talked about, many would also say, yes I am good at it, but it is after these unexpected troublesome situations when you need to  go deep and work out, how was I not  as flexible as I could have been, what is going on for me and why did it lead to a less than compassionate response.

It is through developing our self-awareness we that we see and maybe hear things we would rather not be recalling about ourselves, this is the start of another journey. Demonstrating emotional intelligence, is about awareness, regulation and desire to get a better outcome. If what you are doing is not working, do something different, yet it is easy in the midst of the situation to repeatedly follow the same strategy and become more entangled in not getting the desired outcome.

So here I am, reflecting on what for me has been an emotional roller-coaster, set off with the best of intentions, worked hard to find a solutions to the problem, got hooked on an unexpected response, tried to recover it, lost the plot and blamed everyone other than myself.

So I sat down with a set of our own Developing Emotional Intelligence cards to do some self-coaching. The first card I turned over “What unhelpful emotion / limiting belief can you let go of?” oh boy, call in serendipity, in that moment the unhelpful belief just flashed up, straight out of my unconscious.

A belief is something we know to be true! It does not actually have to be true at all, it is a construct in our heads, something we have chosen to treat as a fact, change what we believe and the whole situation takes on a different meaning. We may get a better understanding of the other persons position, motivation, desired outcome, all of which we have quite possibly missed because of our map of the situation.

“The proof of the pudding is in the eating” as the old saying goes, its one thing to cognitively get it, it’s another to embody that understanding into behaviour.

 

The toughest of learnings are our biggest opportunity for growth.

You can take a look at the Developing Emotional Intelligence cards by following this link https://www.revealsolutions.co.uk/coaching-cards-courses-books-resources/developing-emotional-intelligence-cards/

How to develop Emotional Intelligence

Develop Emotional Intelligence with Cards

You can develop your emotional intelligence.

Do you find meaningful conversations difficult?

Maybe you find it more natural to focus on getting the task done than on the people and how they feel in your team.

Do you get frustrated when things don’t go your way? Find yourself resorting to upping the ante?

Have you ever been called heartless or cold hearted?

It may not be your desire to be labelled in this way but you could have traits in your personality that may make the label others have given you fair.

Emotional intelligence (EI) can be defined as “the capability of individuals to recognize their own and other people’s emotions, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, use emotional information to guide thinking and behaviour, and manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt to environments or achieve one’s goal(s).[1]

So if you find it difficult to understand what others are talking about when a conversation talks about feelings or desires it may just be that there is a disconnect in your heart at those moments and you are trying to answer questions related to values and desires with a cognitive process that happens in your head.

What is well documented and recognised is that Emotional Intelligence EQ or EI is equally and more important in being sustainably more successful at whatever it is that you wish or are employed to do, than your IQ.  Without well-formed and well-functioning relationships we achieve far less and at a higher cost to self and others!

How can you develop emotional intelligence?

Developing emotional intelligence does not have to be hard. All personal development starts with having awareness. How emotionally intelligent are you? Find out now by taking our Emotional Intelligence Quiz.

Having awareness is only the beginning, it’s what you do with that awareness that counts. What ever the score you obtain in the quiz you can always improve it, we are all on a journey and we are never the complete article!

We can begin the journey by getting better acquainted with our emotions, recognising the difference between say frustrated, annoyed and angry or pleased, impressed & gratitude. There are hundreds if not thousands of different emotions and all have ranges, think of it like a paint colour, How many shades of green are there? In Dan Goleman’s 4 quadrant model this is what is known as Self Awareness.

What follows is being able to manage those emotions. In Goleman’s model this is known as Self-Management emotions are powerful, managed well they are exquisite in bringing closer together, they unite us, fuel us and consolidate our efforts. When we have a lack of self-management are emotions rise to fuel our reaction to events and situations, rather than responding flexibly. They can be the source of upset aggravation and can fuel divide and conflict.

Our ability to read situations, understand and be able to empathise with others is what Goleman refers to as social awareness. This requires us to be interested in others, be able to put aside our own beliefs and values for a moment in order to appreciate another’s position and accept that they may not see things quite the way we do. Goleman calls this social awareness.

I bet that you have met and come across people who just seem to have the knack of getting along with others, even in difficult and challenging environments. You know, the people who can bring people along with an idea or encourage them to challenge it and find an even better way. These people will have high levels of emotional intelligence using it to manage relationships for mutual enjoyable benefit. In Goleman’s model this is known as relationship management

The great news is by working on each area our overall Emotional Intelligence gets better

 

The 48 cards in the pack shown above can help you further develop your emotional intelligence, they are based on Dan Golemans work and use the 4 quadrant model, each card contains a question to think about & work with, it also tells why this is important in building your EQ and finally there is a hint or tip pertinent to the EQ quadrant  giving you three opportunities of learning per card

Go to our Shop to get you pack now and check out the rest of the Reveal Solutions products as well.